Judge.

I know, this isn't your problem. I also know that the world doesn't need to know about these problems of mine, But I'm tired of keeping it all bottled up inside.

Before you judge me, do you know what hell I'm living in? 

What things I go through everyday?

It's like a miracle that I haven't broken down in front of everybody and cried or gone wild.

however, I do admit, there are times that I went to school, crying, but before I step my foot inside the classroom I wipe it off and pretend everything's okay.

Do you know how long I've pretended?

Do you know how lonely I feel even if I smile everyday and had people around me?

I honestly can't wait to get out of this hell-hole, because no matter how difficult the situation I'm in, I'll always be judged. WE'LL always be Judged. It doesn't matter if you're at the point of breaking because there are still some people out there who Judge other people because of clothes, boyfriends and all those silly little things.

But what if I tell you that the person you are judging is going through Hell, would you care about it? what if his/her father is dying? his/her sister is dying? his/her mother is dying? would you care? at all?

I bet not.

When I'm finally able to let it all out and start to feel a little tinge of happiness in my soul, you still judged me. You said I was weak and you didn't care about the problems I went through because you have your own.

Well, I'll make sure to do the same to you when you're already at your breaking point.

Disney Princesses

(I know some of my classmates are sick of me ranting about her again, BUT I JUST CAN'T HELP IT! This is my blog anyway so I am free to write anything I want on this beautiful blog of mine. )

Pocahontas.

Ever since I was a little girl, she was my favorite Disney princess. I guess, there are some questions lingering at the back of your head right now, right? I bet, you're wondering why Mulan or Jasmine wasn't my favorite, even though they were Asians, and I am (obviously) Asian as well. Don't get me wrong, but I like Mulan and Jasmine as well. They weren't those type of princesses that just fell in love and got married and had many many many children and became unbelievably rich.

Pocahontas was the first ever Disney Princess that was based from Historical facts. She was actually real and her marriage with John Rolfe (not John Smith) was the first interracial marriage ever recorded. I mean, how cool is that?! But Disney kinda distorted the real events that happened and converted it into a love story instead.

Whenever I ask my friends and classmates if they like Pocahontas, they would say that she's fine. They don't hate her but they don't also love her either. I asked them why and some of them said she wasn't pretty enough or she wasn't that beautiful. Well, for me, when a person says "beautiful" we shouldn't stereotype them or just think immediately that a person who's super thin and blonde is already beautiful. A person's physical appearance doesn't make them ugly or beautiful.

And no offence to all the Cinderella/ Snow white fans out there, but honestly, what the heck did these two do? They just fell in love and Got married to complete strangers they barely even knew. Those guys might have been serial killers and they wouldn't even know! Real Princesses should have been able to make a difference to the world. Like Princess Diana!

Pocahontas made a difference for her people and her tribe. So did Mulan. She saved China. So did Jasmine, she got married to boy who didn't have anything but loved anyway.

So there. I just ranted because I felt like doing it.

(oh, and BTW, for me, Pocahontas looks a bit like a Filipina, so just by saying that she's ugly, You're actually saying that Filipinas are not good looking.)

Wounds

Well, a lot of people say that wounds heal with time. But what if, after you've healed, you get wounded again?

Well, that's what happened to my older sister, Francine, today. When she was in 5th grade, she and her friends were there, doing what normal grade-school students do, then it started to rain. So she ran. Unfortunately she lost her balance and tripped, causing her to scraped her knee on the rough ground and landed on her elbows, but... her cheek was scraped also.

Today, she tripped. Again. Why? because of the stupid reconstruction of the road that's currently happening. 

Here's what I wanna say

Lying is an art

Hmmm. I bet you're confused with my title there. Who in their right freakin' mind would say that Lying is an art?! Well folks, I would.When someone says "art" the words that pop in my head are associated with Theatre and Acting. You see, When you need to lie to someone, you need to act. You need to act opposite of what your heart/ your brain says.

If there was an award for being the best liar in the world, I'm sure I'd have that.When you need to lie, you have to think fast. Why? Well... Sometimes, People ask you questions that can leave you in a vulnerable position. So, you have to change the topic or whatever otherwise more lies would be added to your list of lies.When you lie, you don't need a script for that. All you need is a brain. You can't practice lying. It comes out naturally. When people ask me if I'm okay, even though I'm not, I say "I'm totally fine." and They don't even have second thoughts if it's true or not.

 When a person lies to you, you can't judge that person immediately. Maybe he/she has motives you wouldn't understand, or maybe it was for your own good. Just because a person lies frequently, that doesn't mean that person is entirely bad.

This is one of the reasons why I really like to act. For me, There's nothing wrong with playing pretend.

The internet is a drug

I have a confession to make. I'm addicted. I'm addicted to..... The Internet.

Well, The internet is great! Who wouldn't be addicted to it. Being addicted to the internet is WAY better than being addicted to drugs and other stuff.

No Boobs, No ass.

Someone once said to me: "I feel so sorry for you." I wondered why would this person say this to me?
so I asked, "Why?" that person replied: "Well, You don't have boobs, you also don't have a great ass."

I was shocked. I didn't even have the guts to think of a good statement to retort. Well, how could I? It was true anyway.

It's not that I don't like the person who said that to me. I actually like that person. I'm really glad that he/she said that to me. Why? because it really proved that sometimes, you don't have everything you want. So what if I don't have a Supermodels' body?! Heck, I could care less about that! I don't care about what food NOT to eat! I don't care how much calories this food contains! I care more about my test scores and how my friends and classmates think of me as a person.

Don't be deceived by what you see. Sometimes, there's more to a person than what meets the eyes.

The UPCAT

Well, let me tell you this: Before an extremely long exam, make sure you go the restroom. Okay?

I know that sounds weird and foolish, but if you know you're gonna take a five-hour exam, you better follow my advice unless you want to end up like me. Now, I know what you're thinking.You're probably curious as to what happened when I took the UPCAT *cue scary music*. Well, Exams just finished and I felt like all of my brain juice was drained from me. However, instead of just sleeping, or watching a movie just like any other student would've done after 2 weeks of studying,instead I reviewed for the UPCAT *cue scary music*

A few months ago, Whenever I heard the word "UPCAT" I would have thought: "Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, oh, gosh." Why? Because we all know how difficult the exam would be and how hard it would be to actually ace it. The night before my UPCAT exam, I thought I was about to have a heart attack. There were thousands of "What ifs" that were running in my head. Thank God my sister noticed this and she said to me; "Just calm down! It'll be fine. When you're in the middle of the exam, you won't mind that it's actually the UPCAT. You'll just think its just another test."

After she said this, I calmed down. a few hours before my exam I was chillin'! I watched a movie, read from wattpad etc. etc. However, when I arrived at UP, my heart began to race even though I forced it not to. The test was already about to start, but I haven't gone to the restroom! Why? because I was so busy freaking out. A few hours in the middle of the test, I didn't freak out anymore. I was more concerned of going to the restroom because my tiny bladder couldn't hold my pee. And because of this, I wasn't able to give my 100%.

Well, what's done is done. Now all I have to do is use my #1 weapon: PRAYER.

Tomorrow, when the war began.

                           Whenever I read my history book and encounter topics about war, I would think to myself "Wow, thank God THAT didn't happen to me!" or "This happened sssooooo long ago. This ain't gonna happen again!" However, WHAT IF IT DOES?! This has been the question that has been lingering on my mind for so long. Given the fact that we have improved technology... What would our generation do? Some Kids and young adults think that we're not that important in society
                           
                        Some think that we're irrelevant. But what if we were given the chance to make a change? Especially if something bad happened and if we were the only ones left? These questions of mine were answered by this awesome and cool movie called "Tomorrow, when the war began." It showed the different types of personalities with teenagers nowadays (that usually clashes), however it also presented a way to make these people get along.

                        Courage. Leadership. Strength. Wisdom. Sacrifice. (etc) These were only some of the values that I learned from this movie. It really made me wonder: "What if..."

BTW: this movie is based on a book. IT's called "The Tomorrow" series. Written by John Marsden (It's really good.) This movie highly-acclaimed in Australia.
Here's a short plot summary--> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomorrow,_When_the_War_Began
                    

Isn't it funny?

When we're doing nothing, Time stops. When it seems like our mind runs a thousand miles, Time seems to fly. When we do something good, no one really notices. When we do something disastrous, there will surely be a chain of events because of what we did.

These thoughts of mine led me to think about this song entitled "If I die young" by The Band Perry. Some lines really do show how Ironic life really is.

"A penny for your thoughts, Oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They"re worth so much more, after I'm a goner
and maybe then you"ll hear the words I've been singing,
Funny when you"re dead, how people start listening"

This is a verse from the song that really struck. When we need to say something, say it now. You"ll never know when you'll get the chance to do the same thing again.

Unspeakables

There are a lot of stuff we don't want to share with others. A good example would be our Secrets. I believe that the people who we think don't have anything to hide have a lot to lose when something or someone slips-up. I have observed that the people who keep a lot of secrets are GREAT liars. I am a living proof of that. And I tell you this.... it you need to have practice and a lot of experience. When we lie, we don't only fool others, but ourselves as well.